Valentine wishes for you

I wanted to take a moment and provide some background for some of the people I have helped over the years. One is standing out in particular in my mind as we near Valentine's Day, as I realize this person will have their first Valentine's Day without the love her life with her.

Please keep in mind that I do not usually ask anyone for their personal information, so I do not know her name. I have no idea where she lives or what she does. I do know that she was the caregiver of her husband for most of their short marriage and that she loved him with her whole heart. She needed some guidance for end of life and then support as she lost him.

After that, she reached out again; this time, she was suicidal.

I have not stopped thinking about this woman, who I can only gather is a similar age to myself, who has gone through so much suffering in the last few years. She stopped communicating and deleted our conversations and was no longer active in our support group, which was up to her discretion.

I hope she made it. I hope she is doing better and in a better space in mind. I hope the best for her.

I know that what she went through was soul crushing. I look around my house and see the evidence of my husband's activity and existence; most days, I find it annoying. The random socks in the living room, the coats and shoes he never puts away, video game controllers and remotes misplaced, the open cabinet doors throughout the house... these are all little annoyances that are sprinkled throughout my ordinary days. And they are gifts.

Not gifts in the conventional sense, but more so as reminders of the existence of our marriage, future, and life together. It is a gift in the sense that it is a reminder to not take this marriage, life, or spouse for granted.

I think about all the people that have reached out for help to whom I have provided guidance, encouragement, and support. I hope they are all doing their best, even if doing their best is getting out of bed today. I hope they have or are able to find reasons to look forward to the future. I hope they all have one thing each day that makes them happy, even if that is their favorite beverage of choice in the morning or a moment to themselves to breathe.

Most of all, I hope everyone has something to look forward to each day. I know the days that feel like you can't move on are like trying to carry a boulder on your back on an endless journey without letting it crush you. I have been there, and it is dark. I hope you find the light, even if you have to ignite yourself within yourself, which is HARD.

Keep going. Stay. You are needed. You have so much ahead of you that you can't see right now. Broken crayons still color. Tacos fall apart and still taste amazing.

I hope you know that I wish you a Happy Valentine's Day. I hope you are happy. I hope you are well, or at least a little better than those first months, which seem long ago and like it was yesterday.

As we see all the advertisements and constant bombardments for Valentine's Day, I hope no one feels discouraged or believes that this day is not also for you. Go out as much as you can with those who are positive influences in your life and find your own fun. Maybe even go buy yourself the book you have been staring at for a while, a new sweater or article of clothing that makes you feel good, or even your favorite snack for yourself. Maybe get yourself all of them.

Life is hard as a caregiver and more so after a profound loss.

If you are in the trenches of caregiving and cannot leave, I hope you can make the best of it with your loved one at home. Yes, even when they are mean to you. I am there with you on that one!

But most of all, I hope you don't give up. Wherever you are in this world, whatever you are going through, I am sending you Valentine wishes for a ray of light to get you through to February 15th and every day afterwards.