Locked out and Confused

March 5, 2023

Yesterday, I wrote about taking my loved one to Walmart. I forgot to mention that they locked herself out of their house. Also, as my husband and I learned, they lost their house keys, all of their keys.

All. Of. Them.

I had had a spare set, but those were demanded back last Fall because they randomly became angry that I had a spare set. I had given those back in the Fall, but I still searched my house and car for those, just in case. I had checked their garage for a spare set that used to be kept inside for just this reason, but they had taken that set inside their house as well. Combined with the two sets that were handed to them, there are four sets of keys missing.

After returning from our shopping, they hung out at my home until my husband got their door unlocked using tools. While at my home, they stated that they had intentions of getting more keys made. We let them know that they should not need more than four sets of keys.

As a note, my loved one has done this before and asked the neighbor to open the door. The neighbor left the tool used for them in the garage; they took that into their house. The neighbors weren't home, either.

This morning we went out for a maple syrup tasting, followed by a fundraiser for Feed Our Vets and a quick stop at our local chocolatier. We asked them to search for their keys last night and learned that they had not done that. Today, we asked them to again search for their keys. My loved one called about two hours ago to inform me that they had not found them in their bedroom, which they believe they usually keep them.

Then, I was informed that they had taken the sets of keys off of their keyrings, separated the sets, and placed the keys in individual, small, plastic bags.

What?!

My loved one believed that the keys did not go to their doors. They stated that they had tried the keys on their doors and believed that the keys did not work. I was also informed that they had been confused by the labels on each key and did not understand which door matched the label on each key. I was going to ask more about that, but my loved one was getting agitated and upset. So, not only have they not been carrying any house keys with them whenever they had been leaving their house, they had also packed the keys away because it was believed the keys did not work.

Does this make sense? No. Not to me, at least, since I literally had a set of spare keys that were labeled for each door that DO work. I had to give those back, though. This all makes perfect sense to my loved one, however.

We offered the solution of purchasing new locks and having them all keyed to the same key. My loved one stated that they had already called lock smiths and were waiting to hear back from any of them. We then stated that my loved one should just get new locks, since they had not done that, yet; instead of waiting to hear back from a lock smith. My loved one was genuinely surprised that you could just go buy new door handles and locks and have those keyed, even more so when we said we could do that today.

They wanted more time to look for their keys, but they do not have the energy to search anymore today, since they said they searched their bedroom.

I find this behavior extremely draining. Also, this is exactly what my father was doing before his diagnosis for Alzheimer's. He was constantly losing his keys to his apartment, so he would constantly go get more keys made. I lost count of the number of keys to his apartment that he had made. Then he continued to forget to take his keys with him, so he was always getting locked out of his own apartment. This happened so frequently that he had his neighbor keep a spare key to unlock his apartment door for him whenever he would get back.

In addition to that, my father also forgot how to use his cellphone, how to charge it, where he would place the charger, how to use the charger, and would forget to bring it with him whenever he left. My loved one has been doing this, all of this, since August 2022. I have had to go over once a week to turn the cell phone on. I have to check the voicemail for them, along with the home phone, since they also do not remember how to check that. I also have replaced the wall adapter for the cellphone, so it could charge.

Last week, they called me to ask if I had the cord for the cellphone charger. My loved one was surprised when I stated that I did not have that because I plugged the charger into the wall to allow the cellphone to charge and left it to charge. In their thought process, they thought, that since I had touched her cellphone and plugged it in to charge, that I would then take the cord with me. I had to explain that a cellphone cannot charge if I take the cord home with me; therefore, I did not take the cord home with me because I purposely plugged their cellphone in to charge. They thought they "stuffed the cord in a drawer somewhere, then." That is a face palm moment. Haha.

I am sadly facing some bleak years ahead. I hope if you are reading this and are going through anything similar that it is okay to acknowledge how challenging this stage is. My loved one can have very lucid moments and speak well in conversations that I want to believe everything is fine and normal. However, when we are in our private moments, they depend so much on me to remember where things are in their life and how to use things. I know they can use a house phone and remember to pay bills, but I also know they do not remember how to use their own cell phone, especially with regards to charging it and remembering to bring it when going out. I know I will be asked repeatedly where things in their house are, even if I have no idea what is being talked about. Today, they asked me if I knew where their one wine glass is located. No, I have no idea, especially since they do not drink wine.

They want total independence but consistently and constantly ask me for help with most things that they are having difficulty with. At this point, I am grateful that they are able to cook, feed herself, clean, and pay bills. Those are important for independence. The cell phone? I am fine if they give my number, so I can take care of the calls.

As for the lost keys... I know this is the beginning of a road I am not wanting to go down, for I know where it leads and how hard the journey is. It is a heavy downhill battle that only has one outcome in the end. I also know the countdown starts now. It is only a matter of official diagnosis at this point, for which I have been putting off requesting the official screening from her doctor. I don't want it to be true because then it becomes a reality. If it's a reality, I know I will feel the clock ticking down, and that was not and has never been a comfortable or fun thing to feel or recognize on behalf of and for any and all who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's.